Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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