I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
