I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
