I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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