New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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