I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
