I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
