she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
