she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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