Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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