if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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