god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize