Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
