Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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