Nicole vs. Life
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
