dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
