dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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