So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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