his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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