And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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