i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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