She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
