"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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