what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
