Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
