We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
