I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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