and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
