Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
