Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
