No stitches, just platelets and will power
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
