question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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