Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
