i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
