it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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