Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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