im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
