just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
