id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think my moral compass just broke
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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