Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
