You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
