the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
