Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
