I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
