Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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