Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
