I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
