Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
