Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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