my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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