Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
