dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
