This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
