Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
