she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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