it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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