You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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