My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
