I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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