I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
