I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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