You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
