PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
