Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
