So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
