He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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