There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
