I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
