So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
