how can u be prego again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
