There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
