im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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