bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
