Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You are the jesus of drinking
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
