i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
