my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
