i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
