Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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